I fucking hate Uber. The dealership I go to dropped their car service, and just calls you an uber. The Uber send me 5 texts and a robot calls at the same time. Meanwhile someone is waiting out front, and I am not wearing pants yet.

   

At this stage in the gig I'm sure all the Uber drivers are now sadly used to having to deal with the pantsless ones.

   

You can't unsee me pantless.

   

What you see as a minor inconvenience, may in fact be an opportunity.

   

Haven't worn pants in years, what's the big deal?

   

In the John Constantine Hellblazer comic they once had a minor neighbour character for a few issues who was named Mr. Fronts. If I remember it correctly he was short, lots of muscles, and only wore underwear concealing quite a, ahem, unit. Whenever John ran into him in the hallway the conversation was basically "hullo, Mr. Fronts, what's new today?" and Mr. Fronts would reply "Hello John! You should see what's happening inside my pants!", with John unflappably ending the discussion with "that's nice, mate, we'll see you tomorrow then". We never found out what was going on inside Mr. Fronts pants but given that it was written by Garth Ennis it could have been anything from a demon-possessed penis to Mr. Fronts merely pooping himself.

I don't know if every Uber ride goes like this but from now on I'm going to pretend that it does.

   

No, Uber drivers I've experienced seem to be generally good people.

The company is the one that blows dead goats.