Hey Chopper - Page 7

Mario has been in the Air Farce for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Northern Ontario to be as far away from humanity as possible.

Mario sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it’s total peace and quiet.

After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he’s finishing dinner one day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. “Name’s Penatrator… Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge… Having a party Saturday… Thought you’d like to come.”

“Great,” says Mario, “after 6 months of this I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”

As Pen is leaving he stops, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinking.” “Not a problem… After 25 years in the Air Force, I can drink with the best of ‘em.”

Again, as he starts to leave, Pen stops. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.” Damn, Mario thinks… Tough crowd. “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”

Once again Pen turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.” “Now that’s not a problem,” says Mario, “Remember I’ve been alone for 6 months! I’ll definitely be there… By the way, what should I wear?”

Pen stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”

Recently married and after enjoying a week in San Francisco on their honeymoon, Chopper and Mario decided to drop into Vegas for the weekend. After walking through the hotel lobby and noticing all these young attractive women hanging around, Chopper asks Mario "What is with all the women down in the lobby"?
Mario tells him they are hookers. "NO WAY" says Chopper. "Well I'll prove it to you" says Mario, "you go hide in the bathroom, I'll invite one up here". So Chopp runs and hides in the shitter. Mario calls down to the front desk, and a few moments later, a hot young voluptuos blonde shows up at the door. "how much"? asks Mario. "100 bucks" the hooker says, Mario says he only has 20 dollars, so she leaves. Chopper comes out of the shitter truly amazed. They decide to go out for dinner, as they stoll arm in arm through the lobby, Mario notices the same hooker looking at him. "See what you get for 20 bucks around here buds " she hollers at him!!

[BF]

Mario and Pen go in for counseling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the Pen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. He went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and un-loveable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs he had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Pen to stand, embraced and kissed him passionately.

Pen shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to Mario and said, 'This is what your man needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

Mario thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop him off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I've got a yoga class.'

Are there any other kinds???

Chopper wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his "girlfriend" Mario up on his new toy and heads over to Mario's parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, Mario explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk.
"If you talk," he tells him, "you have to do the pots." Chopper is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. Chopper decides to take advantage of the situation by groping Mario's man tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.
So he decides to get a blowjob from Mario on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do Mario's mother over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and pulls the Vaseline out.
At which point Mario's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the fucking pots

[BF]

Did you hear about Mario faking an orgasm????

He spit on Pen's neck.

Mario, Chopper and Eisensapper are in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. Mario goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.

She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."

Mario pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks Chopper.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," Chopper says.

He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.

"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."

"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"

He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, Eisensapper goes to the door and rings the bell.

"What do you want for some water?"

"You have to have sex with me."

Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.

"Do me here," she told him.

He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.

"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"

The witch lays back and spreads her legs. Eisensapper nearly pukes after seeing this. Being a sharp field Engineer he picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.

"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again."

This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.

"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

"Eyes closed," he says.

Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.

"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where Mario and Chopper are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.

Chopper says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

Had to post this though I can make no connection to Chopper or Mario.

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
"Well thank fuck for that !"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!"

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, Martio goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on Mario, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on Mario.
After the operation he goes in to Mario and says, "you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks Mario, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says Mario.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and Mario realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my father?" Mario replies,
"I am your mother. Chopper is your father.".

We called him Pen, and he joined the circus as the worlds only bum-baby to have survived delivery.

ROTFL

Mario and Chopper were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what fags do on back roads some distance from town, when Chopper stopped Mario.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." Mario reluctantly paid him, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, Mario just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked Chopper.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."