Training Courses for Women... don't shoot me

Really. Don't shoot me.

Women think they already know everything, but wait: training courses are now available for women on several subjects, including...

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem ... Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
No problem; it's not like we aren't used to it.

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
Deposits are not the issue. It's those cheques that He forgets to record.

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
Games: Going without clothing covered in team logos.

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
But there is ALWAYS a game! And, while we are on the subject, kindly tell me why, if he is watching a Classic Sports channel, showing a game that was played ten years ago, why can't he just record it? Is there some cosmic connection with every other person watching the same game at that particular time?

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
Perhaps if he picked up some of the towels on the floor.......

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
Is he also going to claim those little tiny hairs and muck all over the bathroom sink?

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
Doesn't matter; he still wouldn't hear a baby crying in the middle of the night.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
I did – hence this post.

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
Nagging would include reminding every single year about birthdays, anniversaries etc??

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
This is sooooooooo not a chick problem, while she is sitting beside Mr. God-Forbid-Anyone-Should-Try-To-Pass.

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
On whom??

12. Introduction to Parking
In legal spots??

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
See #12

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
Never met a man over fifty with high blood pressure, huh?

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
Only if he promises to clean the pan.

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
Neither are chili-dogs and poutine.

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
Does he promise not to grab the ketchup before he tastes the food?

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
Thank you.

19. PMS: Your Problem ... Not His
Unless, of course, HE is the problem.

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
Or don't know how to and won't admit it.

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
Oh, like that old corduroy jacket from 1969? And those oh-so-attractive faded sweats with the really big holes in the pants?

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
Until Public Health moves in and shuts the place down.

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
Ah, so you agree that Gray and Pink look good together (they used to be White).

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
Well, if he left the car with more than 1/8 tank, it would help. And he's the one who doesn't like to be nagged about changing the oil.

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
Read a book instead. Then maybe he would have something to say (see #1)

Aanii