Canada Kicks Ass
Perverted Justice

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Twila @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 11:42 am

$1:
But my child (soon to be children) will be safe.


CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! I know it's off topic, but still......

My daughter is 12yrs old and I've talked with her about these particular "people". One thing I've tried to make really really clear to her is that these "monsters" do not look like monsters, they do not act like they are going to harm her. They are going to be very very nice and very very helpful and will try to be your best friend...at first. I've heard of pedophiles who work their way into the family by starting with the mom and father and gaining their trust! I suffer from PMS (Paranoid Mom Syndrome). Boy, do I suffer from it.

It sounds like you are on top of these things. I don't know how old your child is, but will you be talking or have you talked with him/her about these things? If yes, what have you said or will you be saying? I ask because you may well have an idea or plan that I'd not thought of on my own and could use to keep my daughter and her friends safe.


There's been some mention about lonely children being the most likely to be victimized. Is there any documentation or statistics for this? I'd heard it also.

Figfarmer, you'd mentioned whupping everybody involved, including the children. I'd say whup the parents, but not the children. Only because it might encourage them to not tell, to hide things for fear of a beating. But I definately know of some parents who've put their children at risk and could do with a beating.

   



AdamNF @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 12:09 pm

I don't think parents should always be blamed when something bad happens to their children. A lot of the time there is nothing one could do. Raising a child one way wont stop them from doing certin things.

   



figfarmer @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 1:58 pm

Twila, it's such a tricky question, what to tell your kids and what not to. I don't think it's fair to say, "Watch out for monsters that don't look like monsters." scaring the Hell out of them and thus having armed them with paranoia sending them out to defend themselves. It is the parents' job to watch their kids, and if the kid strays, to educate them in the wood shed.

I am a security guard, which licence means I have been beyond reproach all my adult life. I am a writer. Sometimes I write things that aren't suitable for kids, but I do have a large site of things I've written for children. Though I have none of my own I enjoy having the little cusses about and for some reason they pick up on the fact that I'm a quite harmless, fuzzy, fun guy and want to talk to me.

I am also a bit of a hippy, or as some folks of more recent origins like to say when they point at me, "Look, a biker mouse from Mars."

One of the saddest things I can remember is walking along the street one day about a block from home and hearing a mommy say to a little girl with whom I had been exchanging hellos for ages over the hedge, "Come away from there. You don't want to talk to bad people like that." I wonder what the heck she considers good people to be, and I wonder if that child will be scarred for life?

   



Twila @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 2:02 pm

Figfarmer, I feel for you about that little girl. Being female, I don't have any problems talking with little kids. I see a child lost in the mall, I can safely go up to that child and console them. I see a little kid making funny faces at me I can make funny faces back, giggle and talk with that child.

However, I have to warn my daughter about the dangers of strangers. The alternative is for [b]me[b/] to be on the look out 24/7 for the rest of her life. I want her to be aware, to not trust people because they are nice to her. I want her to be aware that pedophiles are not green and purple with warts, they don't always smell bad. I want her to be aware that pedophiles seek out children and make themselves appealing to them.


It was easier when she was little. I was always with her or a trusted relative or friend. Now, she goes places with her friends and I haven't the control that I had. I realize that I can't control her every move. But I can arm her with the knowledge needed to protect herself. I've been teaching her all her life about life, people, etc. I have to hope that I did a good enough job and that she'll will keep herself safe.

   



figfarmer @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 2:23 pm

That suggests something wrong with either her or you. Yes, I suppose in a way I have been saying that a child until they are about ten, more or less depending on individual, should be with someone trusted. Then for a few years it should be within screaming distance of someone trusted. After that a person has to learn to rely on one's self.

One of the problems I see with our society is that so many people have been held down by their parents that they aren't self reliant, ever. They act like kids, thinking their folks will always bail them out, living at home until their parents die. I think this is where a lot of our sickos come from. Be there for your kids when they are young. Push them out of the nest when they grow up. Neglecting either is harmful.

I've had experiences with parents too that tell me there is hope. One of the neatest happened just shortly after the other. I was in a laundrymat and a young woman had a little baby with her. She was trying to do all the things one does in a laundrymat and keep track of the little one, whom she was trying to hold pinned to the table with one hand. I scooped the little little thing up and told her I'd look after it as I was just waiting for the dryer.

The woman had such an expression of shock and joy on her face that I had to ask her to explain. It turned out she was Greek, and I guess Greek guys traditionally pay absolutely no attention to children. She was delighted to learn that all guys weren't like that. Oh well, ya win some ya lose some.

   



Twila @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 2:29 pm

$1:
That suggests something wrong with either her or you


it does, doesn't it? I know that my problem is letting go. I have a very hard time with it. I use to have a room mate who'd given birth to a child and put it up for adoption when she was 12. I watched on the news about a 11yr serial car thief. I heard about two 13 yr old boys who are being charged in adult court for the murder of a "playmate". I hear all these things and I look at my 12 yr old. She's just a small child in my eyes. I trust her, I don't trust the public with her.

I don't want her to be suddenly thrust into the wide world unprepared. Yet, I don't want her to be paralyzed by fear. I wasn't raised to believe my parents would bail me out of self provoked situaitons. I was also raised in a very very different time. It's hard.

   



figfarmer @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 2:38 pm

It's imposserous! Ain't that just life for you? I'm sure she'll do great.

   



electricbuford @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 4:43 pm

[quote="Twila"][quote]

I don't want her to be suddenly thrust into the wide world unprepared. Yet, I don't want her to be paralyzed by fear.

Teach her critical thinking Twila.Remember the baloney detection kit? Critical thinking will help her with understanding and dealing with situations from which people to avoid,to buying a car,to relationships,to politics,health decisions, religion,career,etc.,etc.,etc. Teach her to think for herself now and she'll be equipped well for the rest of her life.She'll also be better able to help her less fortunate peers who haven't learned critical thinking.

   



ChrissyP @ Sun Mar 07, 2004 9:59 pm

Hey Twila

My little man is 3. I have thought about what to tell him but I think right now he is rather young for any major discussions. At this point he is not scared of strangers, they best not touch him though or he tells them (in his terms) to buzz off. I don't ever want to make him fearfull just aware of the possible dangers. I also am sure to avoid situations that can be potentially dangerous. Something as simple as taking him to a bathroom that is just one potty, not a bunch of stalls, where he is the only person in the bathroom goes a long way. Just last month a 8 yr old boy was molested in the bathroom at the local mall (it's the stalled kind). It's the little things you know. Just being aware. I have to know someone for a very long time to even begin to trust them with my son.
On a side note I read somewhere that children who use proper body names are less likely to be molested because pedophiles think that children who know the proper names have parents who talk to them about everything.

Figfarmer, I am sorry about your experience with the little girls mother. I know from experience that appearance has nothing to do with whether you are a safe person or not. Some of the few men I trust totally are some of the scruffiest guys you will meet. But I know they would never hurt my son.

electricbuford, right on the money. :D

   



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