I am flying to the USA from Edmonton this weekend how bad is the security check at the airport? has anybody been through yet?

Rubber gloves!

   

Grease yourself up before getting to the airport.
Those cavity searches are a bitch.

   

Vaseline is your friend.

Wear sandals, -40 is no obstacle.

Leave the Koran at home.

Machine readable passport ?

Clean underwear, or give security a gift and wear the dirty ones.

wipe the porn from your phone / mem stick / computer.

Oh and your tunes as well, they're all illegal.

They may have the scanners up, hope you enjoy the pics on the internet.

No liquids, dont be a bad boy now.


Pray you bought a return ticket.


oh and enjoy the friendly skies....

   

Martin14, you sound like a real expert. Ha.

   

I'm hopin for penthouse model security guards

did you know the German word for Vaseline is "vienerslyder"

   

Spoken like a guy who knows what he's talking about!

   

I have a constitutional right to a strip search!

   

We have a volunteer for a full cavity search.

   

And dont forget to Rohypnol yourself so you can forgot the whole 'experience'

   

Only if they are buying dinner and drinks.

   

If you want to have some fun, take a marker and draw a face on your ass...or just be creative!

   

Wonder about distraction a big hairy mole, or a birthmark so you look like some Soviet Era premier and they all start at it with their mouths open... thinking what's that thing on his face? Why donesn't he get it cut off... as you sneak a bowling ball with a fuse in it thru the scanner...
Or if you had a friend into Hollywood make-up, does up this thing on your scalp... I've got conjoined foetus syndrome asshole! If you bastards stare one more time I'll sue your asses off! and watch Bubba the Border Guard piss himself and help you up the stairs without noticing the bazooka sticking out of your overcoat.

   

I started working out by picking up olives with my ass cheeks by Sunday my sphincter should be ripped enough to take off a finger!