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An army major pops into a field hospital to vist three sick troopers.

He goes to the first private and asks, 'what's your problem soldier?'

'Chronic syphiliss, sir'
and what treatment are you getting?'
five minutes with a wire brush each day.'

'Whats your ambition?'
'To get back in front sir'

'Good man' says the major, and moves on to the next bed.

'What's your problem, soldier?'
'Chronic piles, sir'
'And what treatment are you getting?'
five minutes with the wire brush each day'.

'Whats your ambition?'
'to get back in front, sir'

'Good man,' says the major, and he goes to the next bed.

'What's your problem,soldier?'
'Chronic gum disease, sir'.
'And what treatment are you getting?'
'Five minutes with the wire brush each day'.

'Whats your ambition?'
'to get the wire brush before the other two, sir.'

   

What do you call........ two skunks having a 69?

Odour eaters.

   

Scotland yard are having a crackdown on Vigra smugglers.

Police are reported to be looking for 20 hardened criminals

   

Pinocchio complains to his farther saying 'When ever I attempt to make love to a woman, she complains of splinters.'

His farther shows pity and gives Pinocchinio a piece of sandpaper to smooth his knob when ever he needs to.

A few days later during dinner his farther asks 'how are the girls?'

Pinocchio replies, 'Girls? who needs girls?'

   

   

what do you call a lesbin with fat fingers

Well hung!

   

LOL

   

The first one was best

   

A blonde walks up to a coke machine in las vagas casiono, puts in a few coins and out pops her fizzy pop.

She puts some more coins into the machine, and another can of coke pops out.

She keeps putting in coins, and cans of coke keep coming out.

A guy comes up bhind her and asks to use the machine. 'get lost ' she hisses. 'can't you see i'm winning?'

   

What's the name of the main active ingredient in Viagra?

Mycoxafailin.

   

Ahhhh, fizzy pop, how cute is that?

   

I'm not sure how to respond to blonde jokes. In the words of That Canadian Guy, "Well, I'm not going to laugh at that! I'm not personally offended, but sombody else might be, and laughing about it won't make them feel any better."

Glen Foster is the epitome of the Canadian comic, right up there with Rich Little and Mike McDonald.

   

I love blonde jokes! They're the best.


Two blondes on either side of a lake. One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?", the second blonde answers, "You are on the other side!"

   

   

A man is gently drinking himself into a stupor. After burping loudly.

He turns groggily t the bartender. 'Hey mate.' he slurs, 'where's your toilet/'

With more than a little disdain,the bartender replies, 'go down the hall and it's on your right.'

Nodding dumbly the man slides off his stool and stumbles off down the corridor. within minutes, the other pub patrons jump at the sound of an ear-splitting scream.

A few minutes of confuson go by .....when suddenly another pained yell echoes around the bar.

Locating the source of the noise, the barman decides to investigate, and runs into the pub toilets.

'What's all the screaming about in here?' he shouts at the drunk.

'Your scaring all my customers away!'

'I'm sorry ' he burbles, opening the cubicle door,

'but I'm sitting on the toilet ,and every time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.'

The bartender shakes his head sadly....'No wonder ,' he grimaces.

'You're sitting on a mop bucket.'

   

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