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Horror Scopes



Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are morons. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but upset everyone you come in contact with. You are a jerk.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a jerk.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth anything. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your nit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are hookers. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are worthless.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a coward. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.

   

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves

I an't never nicked a thing boo hoo!

   

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Ahh well... At least I had a harem.

   

Guess that makes me one of those Commi bastards.

   

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are worthless.

huh? I'm a WONDERFULLY TALENTED! This thing is full of lies I tell you!

   

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your nit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

First part is OK, but I don't see the connection with a bus driver or pimp. I think I'd make a terrible bus driver or pimp.

   

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.


SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Ouch.

Dammit Arky are you telling me your a Scorpio too?

   

Damn straight!!! And what a way to go! Just like the Roman Emperors of old!!!!!!!!!

   

Got to love the British humour !!

   

I say, are you talking pork pies in a bag of trout or are you right bonkers???

   

I think you need a good cup of rosey mate

   

Do be pretentious elsewere old chap.

   

On your bike mate

   

I say, we are being most off-topic right now my pretentious friend. I say we talk this over a nice cool pint while I show off this spectacularly British photograph.

   

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