1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee .Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

   

now why don't you just go over there... jump on your whistle and go blow your horse.....

   

13. Still a traffic cop, eh?

   

14. YOU"LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE PIG!!!!!!

   

15. What's your rush officer, got a date with a doughnut?
(when they don't seem to have time to listen to your explanation)

   

16) How much have I had to drink? I dunno, let me check the case and see how many's left . . .

   

17) Is that your night stick or are you just happy to frisk me?...