An Auto-Biography

This is not done yet, its spelling errors, grammer errors, all still there, Here is a link to version that is regularly updated:

http://www.bioxsnipers.com/forum/viewto ... f=35&t=469

Now, In this story of my entire life, I am going to pick out the major events that happened in my life, everything that I can remember, a lot of people say it is best to remember the good, and forget the bad, but in all honesty, the bad you remember very well... I will start off from the soonest I can possibly think of, I am going to warn you, I have had one hell of a life, But We must not let the things that happen to us, affect us in negative ways, but learn from them. Anyway

Farther more, As depressing as my story is, I am not looking for sympathy, those who make it in life, must be strong in life, and they do not need sympathy.

Lets start this off with a positive note, How I was born, Well, I didn't want to come out, So they had to use like a plunger, so, due to suction, and a week scull at birth, I was born with a cone head, but I wasn't just born like any human, I was literally air born, the doctor had to catch me, My dad likes to make the joke that the doctor never caught me, and thats explains a lot... haha dad... haha...

When I was about a year old if that, 1-3 years old in between there, My babysitter would take me into the bathroom, and have me do things for her... yes, sexually things, I was raped as a baby... This same babysitter once gave me "apple juice" I didn't want to drink it, because it was warm... Yes, she filled a glass full of piss for me... because I wanted apple juice and we didn't have it...

I remember Going in and out of foster care, but In all honesty, I do not remember after age 3 much of it, at all, actually bring me to age 8, and the only things I remember in between there, was being pulled by my ear, and getting watchyamacall it, them red things all over your boddy, but yea, anyway... I have seen pshycologists since then, and they say, that that part of time in my life, was so tragic, that the mind will not allow you to remember it.... Wait I remember when I think i was like 5-6 I am not sure, but for a little while, well basically, they would let us back to my moms house, take us back into foster care ect.. but anyway, I remember using the microwave to cook EVERYTHING... well, my sister did, I dunno why I didn't, I remember, waking up, walking downstairs, seeing my mother lieing on the floor, She was behind the rocking chair big wooden one with fabric on it, nice rocking chair, like oak thick wood... Yea I'm explaining about the chair ok, Visual fucking picture alright? haha... but yea anyway... When I seen her laying there I ran up stairs into my sisters bedroom screaming moms dead moms dead moms dead, my sister ran downstairs for a pulse, being so young at the time she couldn't find the pulse, so she thought she was dead as well, we ran of too her friends house to get help, and it was actually a foster parents house to... Irony huh? but yea, we didn't go there, they took us away from that area... My Mom wasn't dead, but passed out drunk) I remember how I tried to be "Mr.Fix it" but really i was "Mr.Break it" example: I would take the screw out of anything and everything, If I found a screw, I would unscrew it, One time I took the screws out for my mothers chair... boy she wasn't to happy... I did fix it tho!!! haha... I remember how me and my sister would play Nintendo Like every day... and the babysitter of the name of "Jim" stole it from us, it was our Christmas pressent! and he seemed like a pretty descent guy, my mom fired that babby sister, I spent most of my childhood with my mother really, I remember when I was younger, one time... I think I was about 11 years old, I made her a mothers day card... and i forget what she did to piss me off, but I freaked on her, tore up her card, right in frount of her, and then ran outside, and hid in a snow bank, I hid there for like 30 minits with her calling my name until I ran out crying to her saying I was sorry... I think I remember her crying as well...

Moving on, to after fostercare, My father had to get a nanny, I remember visiting him in his old appartment, with her house right beside it... she was the one that helped him, when she met him, he didnt eat, he was skinny, In a sence, she was an angel for giving him meals, and feeding him, and actually turning him from sickly skinny, to in good phsyical condition, I remember the truck he had parked outside of his apartment (1979 GMC) I'm not sure what year it was when he started rebuilding it, but he has never really stoped working on that truck, I remember him telling me to go inside the truck, and see what I thought of it, And I was so happy, went to go in it, and fell... there was no floor in it yet, he did it for a joke.... the truck now is worth 10 grand, its got like 420 HP and it burns rubber on 4 weels, really nice truck now...

Now im topic hopping, lets get back on the topic train, ok so anyways, In order for me to get back in my fathers perminit care, he was told he needed someone, so, what as I refure to as "the nanny" decided to help him out, he got a house to rent, and I was bout 8 years old.... I remember walking down keefer road for the first time, and asking someone, were keefer road was, and him telling us that we were on it, Getting lost for the first time with my sister was fun, especially because we got lost on the same street....
Life with this nanny wasn't so great tho, we found out that over the years, she was robbing from us blind, I remember, one day, she put a bar of soap in my mouth for swearing, when I spit it out, 3 tooths came with it, I wanted to hit her for that... My sister and I finaly got my dad to kick her ass to the curb, after much debate.

Going on about what my school life was like at that time, I pretty much kept to myself, I was pretty much a lonner, I had a few freinds... I remember when I had quite a few, It was very long ago, like kindergarden, i think this is when I was like 8 or 9 years old, I decided to like randomly dig outside at recess, and I found "fossles" and had like the whole class digging for fossles, and they actually took us on a school feild trip to a quory to go looking for real fossles, I am sure I still have 1 fossil lying around somewhere at my dads house.

Now I wanna go on a trip about my mom for a bit here, There were alot of things I remember about her, the perfume she used, I could not name it, but my sister still has it, I remember how she drenched herself in it, and it didn't even smell that could, I can't say that now tho, because smelling it makes it feel like i am hugging her almost, and its almost a bliss feeling to smell it, I remember my sister pooking her head out the blinds, and keeping her ear up to the window trying to hear what was happening and going on, and my sister couldn't hear, after the police left, my dad went into the other room and made a phone call.... he then brought us to the store, and told us that we were to pick out anything... anything we wanted, and it was ours.... I also vividly remember the phone call with my mom a week prior to, what had happened, was she called me while I was watching a really good movie with my dad, She was crying how her dog had died, pretty much she spent every last dollar she could spend on it, and it got its eye scratched out... I didn't want to listen to her cry, so I got my sister to talk to her... but my sister was doing homework, she didn't want to be bothered either, we both pretty much hung up on her, without really saying I love you, although I don't think it should of had to be mentioned, my and my sister loved my mother very much.... I remember after gettting back from the store, shortly after a laddy came into the door, my dad stood outside with her and talked to her, yet again, sister ear up to the window trying to hear, I didn't really pay to much attention, I was bussy playing with my brand new tech tech my dad had bought me from the store, They came inside, sat down, and my dad began to speak, and he said these are the words I remember, Now, I wish that when I was younger, That my mother had this kind of help, and a person that could help us threw this I don't remember exact words really... but basicly after that, he told us my mom was dead, I remember my sister bursting out in tears, I remember the cat taking its paws and putting it over its ears... as if it was sad to, I remember not crying I remember just staring there... I stoped playing with my tech deck tho... I remember the funereal and how afterwards being giving a loli pop (not just any, but the ones that, how manny licks to get to the senter of a tootsi pop, them ones with chocolate in it you know) I never cried for my moms funeral, I remember wanting to... I felt left out...

I remember vividly the look on her "boyfreinds" face... and how it looked like he had no emotion either... I remember glaring at him, as if he had killed her... Truth be told, she killed herself... What happened was... here Is my explination, I don't think it was intentional, I think she drank to much, alcohol being a depressent, she wanted to be happy, and took her happy pills, alcohol is not ment to be mixed with happy pills, and pretty much this killed her, but they say she took the whole bottle, meaning it was intentional, I think thats bullshit....

I remember seeing my mom in the casket With her one shoulder all poped up... it was dislocated, I remember pulling back her clothes a little bit, and looking at alot of bruising on her, apparently she had fallen down the stairs...

Going to things I remember about my mom, I remember that when I was having like an asthma atack or whatever (i've only had one in my life, and i am not asmatic)

I remember running into my moms bedroom, gasping for air... I think she called a taxi...

I broke my leg in K-mart, that one I REMEMBER she called a taxi for... haha... I'm happy she sued them tho... but I did kinda blow alot of that money, It was spent well in some places. (That was 32 grand)

I'm randomly going to start talking about my Girl Relationships, I will get back to going threw ages... touch more on school, there is alot I have to say about my life, and what I have gone threw....

My first Online relationship I would have to say was Amelia, I am not sure how many years ago this was, but i would have to say 2003 around there.... I remember meeting her on the game I play Unreal Tournament... Well she met me on the forums, she thought the picture i posted of me was hot, she sent me her picture, I thought she was hot too ^_^ we hit it off pretty well, I had a buddy named "Byebye" and he also had a girlfreind online, he was from the UK, his girlfreind was called Erin, Pretty much I let Amelia meet byebye, and they hit it up pretty well, when I met Erin... well... I didn't like her like her at first, I was just funking with her head, I remember no matter what I could say to her, would make her block me, or even mad at me really, Amelia left me for byebye, byebye left erin, and I took erin, So it worked out really... I would spend every night on webcam with Erin. We would fall asleep to each other, webcams still on, when we would wake up... we would like nudge the other person untill they woke up, it was really cute, I really do still care for the both of them, more so Erin.. I could almost say I still love her, but I don't know what to think of that, She doesn't want to talk to me anymore really I don't think because she wants to move on, So I am going to let her... If she ever wants to talk to me again, I would be so happy to catch up with everything thats happened...

My first girlfriend I had in school, actually only girlfreind I had in school, To be honest, I don't remember her name, I dated her for a week, and then made her cry in front of a group of people... that was a funked up year of my life tho, that was age 15, thats the age were I spent like a month or something in a home, that kids go to, for help with their family, pretty much 24/7 pshycologist help to work things out with my dad, and to also let us get some space from each other... It didn't work out so well, because I ended up getting homesick, And I remember how they told me I could leave whenever I wanted, they tryed to ground me for being late on my curfue, so I told them I was leaving, they said I could leave at anytime, but they would have to call the police and fill out a missing persons report, if I Couldnt get my dad to bring me home, and I left by foot, I couldn't get ahold of my dad because it was late... I walked all the way up Wellend Cannel back up to Thorold, When I was walking past the bar, I remember how a car tried to run me over, because the guy had just got out of the bar and he was piss drunk, yea, he litteraly drove on grass screaming at me trying to hit me, I jumped behind a tree so he couldnt hit me... Some people can be funked no?

There was also a girl named blondie, but to be honest, she Isn't even worth my time to go on about... It was kind of cute the little thing we had tho...

If I go to Brittany, the girl I lived with when I was on my own... Well... This is a long story, I could say a lot about it:
There is a lot of sexuall things to Say, so if you don't wanna hear shiz about sex or none of that shiz, I recommend not reading this paragraph Like seriosly, I go pretty far This part is being edited for minors of RB
, in 6 months time living with a girl... her being a ****.. I remember how she was the first girl I ever really had *** with... I was shocked I lasted ****, so was she hahaha...*************************** HUGE SECTION TAKEN OUT***************he was pretty funked up, like the kind of **** she was into was ****, I did love one thing about her, during ****she would claw at my back so hard it would bleed, I loved that She would always give me a backscratch when I asked for it... every time. But the favors were returned, I would try to play basketball outside, with my freinds, and withen 5 minuts she would be asking to go back up to my room...****************** ANOTHER HUGE SECTION TAKEN OUT*************
Your ok to start reading again

Ever since her I never really had a girl... A few 1 night stands but that was that... And I can count 3 girls on that one...

See I told you this was going to be funking huge... And I ain't even no were near done yet... I will write more latter... Like when I wake up tomorrow...

Now let me get started on Caitlin... I'm sure you already know but hey...

Basically when I first met her threw ****, what I said to him was a sarcastic joke for a bet, I never actually thought that it might actually happen, But i told him that
I also bet him that I could have sex with caitlin before he could... *********************
Now that Caitlin is freakin out about this bet, wondering if its true or not, It makes me think that she really only had the intention of teasing me, and never actually wanted me in the first place... Although I really did fall for her harder then I have ever fell for a girl, I don't know why, I can't explain what it is I love about her, Its the way I felt when I talked to her... But The feeling is gone with her now... I mean, the love is still there, but the good feeling is gone, only pain, And I wish the pain would go away, I wish I could talk to her as if she was my friend, but she seems to hate me, I think she was playing me since day one.... And everything she has said to me is a lie, It's kinda funny how she's lied to me, and she is saying that right now the biggest grudge she is holding against me is something that i mistakingly omited, because I didn't remember ever doing it.
There was also another bet, for $2,000 that he couldn't get her to unblock me and that after that she wouldn't ever treat me as if I was human... Truth be told, she treated me like so much shit afterwards, I couldn't take it had to block her... I really don't get it, because I really do care for her so much, and want the best in her for life! Thats the one thing I hate about people, is how, they can just stop talking to someone, Sometimes you care about people, and want to be able to check up on them from time to time! I notice how I have yet to say what all happened, but this is well, A part I am going to take longer to think about, and learn more about because I quite don't understand it all myself.

Now jumping back to when I was 16, and how funked of a year it was... anyway Thats the year I got thrown out of school, For smoking pot every day, for telling teachers off, dissobaying authorities and stupid shiz like that... Anyway, the day I got back home and told my dad, he tried to have me go to bed early one night, And i think I was deep into conversation with erin, and didn't want to leave her, because she was crying or something, And my dad unplugged my computer, I freaked out, picked up baseball bat, never swong it at him, just told him to get the f*ck out of my room. He took the bat out of my hands, as he was doing so, He actually hit me in the head with it, he then ran out of my bedroom, hide the bat, got on the phone with the police, and had me arrested...

My grandma *dads mom* was living with us at the time, she despised me, I didn't like her much either, it was a mutual feeling now, I look back on it now, and I do love her, family is family, god rest her soul, anyways, she offered to pay my bail, 120 thousand dollar bail too, so it wasn't like it was little money, I cried when I found out that she was putting that money up for me, litteraly broke down to my knee's , I remember crying even harder when the judge declined bail because there were guns in the house.... It worked out in the end, I just pled guilty a few days latter, and they let me go back home with my dad, that didn't last to long... but here quick talk about what it was like in juvy

I remember Getting beat up once in juvy, not to bad tho, the guards ripped him off me... I remember working out every day in juvy, cruncher, push ups, thats all we did really other then go to school in there... I remember my 16th birthday

After I started to live with my dad again, I was on probation for a year, I actually lasted another full year living with him, but then I met this girl through one of my friends... I lusted her at first sight really, I got a bottle of gin from one of my freinds, and drank it with her, my dad had told me no drugs, no alcohol, I woke up that morning with my shoes still on, and all my books off my bookshelf, my dad lost it, kicked me out, I went to the store, stole some sunglasses, went back home to wash up, pack up some stuff, As I was brushing my teeth he noticed I had re-entered the house... He picked me up and threw me outside when I was just screaming for my backpack, As soon as he slammed the door, I put my 2 hands on the guardrails for the weel chair ramp, Gave the door one solid kick and it flew... a big cloud of smoke, and then I seen my dad holding my backpack with his jaw droped wide open, he yelled out, Your going to jail! I ran down to my freinds house, she said I couldnt stay there, I left, and as soon as I left is when the cops seen me, I went in for another week...

This whole story is completely out of order, and there is ALOT I have to add... I am sending you the early version of it... just so I can hear what you think of it so far...

If you want to hear more, I will add, edit, and Remake this whole thing, In more depth, more stuff added, and more detail. I told you I can write alot, and I am not even anywere near close to as much as I can say about what Has happened in my life, nearly tip of the ice burg.

I wanna hear about your life, I hope you write up a story on yours as well...

This is actually an email intended for someone, But I would love to hear all your story's, Go ahead, take your time.

There it is, about 1/20th of my life, Out there for everyone to read.

The first time I ever got caught drinking, I was about 11 persay... We drank a whole 40 of Crown Royal, and some peach snobs, the whole thing was, I was going to sleep over at his house as to not get caught, when he asked his mom If I could stay over, she said no, so, off we went to the store, and I was going to sleep in the park and pretend that I still slept over at his house, when we got to the park, there was my dad and his mom, apperently one of them called the other one, and they figured it out... So basicly, here i am walking back home with my dad, and he shines the flashlight on my arm, and its gushing blood from me falling... lol... I didn't even notice, so were in the bathroom and he is cleaning up my wonds... and he noticed as he was doing this my pupples were going in and out, really fast, he knew I was drunk, he took me to the hospital, and the docter told me if I would have had 1 more shot I would have been dead, he then turned to my dad and asked him if he wanted my stumic pumped, my dad said no, but asked what he should do, the docter told him to take me to a pizza place, and buy me pizza and chicken wings... My dad did, seriosly how manny kids can say that they were bought chicken wings and pizza for getting caught the first time they were drinking, The next day yea, I was grounded but still!....

My dad was angry when he found out I started smoking, especially when I told him at age 14, but I told him I had been smoking for years, witch was true, I kind of laughed at him for not noticing, I asked him for a smoke, It took me a month for me to get a ciggeret out of him, I remember in the car having my first smoke with him...

I did quit smoking once, Infact, that was a few months before I went into that full time counciling thing to work out problems with my dad, I had lasted I think it was 4 months or something without a ciggeret, my dad bought me the patch to have me quit smoking and I did, It wasn't because the patch helped really, it was the fact my dad had spent 200$ a week to get me to quit smoking, and every time he yelled at me, I would tell him do you want me to go outside for a ciggeret right now!?! I will if you don't shut up!... and that Was my power over him for a while, it worked to... because I did quit... but When I went into counciling my friends there would smoke, and I would go outside when they went to have a ciggeret, and I would crave it, I remember the first puff I took again after so long, how bad it tasted, and how I puked, and yet I countinued to try to make it so I was able to smoke again, I haven't been able to quit....

Ok... Seriosly, my fingers hurt, I am done typing for now lol

Before I go on talking about death, I believe death depresses people I remember watching a grown man cry talking to me about deaths in his life, I believe that you should not morn for a persons death, but celebrate the life that they had, the life that they lived. When a person dies, Go have a party, A good one, Remember all the good times. Celebrate what they accomplished in life. And make sure to go on, and accomplish lots in your own.

I noticed I do not think I mentioned My grandfather dieing.... Well If you wanna go on the death path, I could go on about how before that happened, Pretty much every one of his brothers died... I remember my dad taking me to my grandma's house, We got there before the corner got there... I seen him lying there.... right in front of me in the living room.... I left before they plastic bagged him... I was still young... And I dunno seeing such a thing... I actually shit my pants... I am kind of embarressed by saying this... but hey, I guess it happens, I'll prettend I was sick as well and thats why I couldn't keep it... yea fucking gross sorry but yea... >_< blah i seriosly hated when I did that, sooo embarrising, because I was at my aunts house... and i had to ask her for a change of underwear, yea, not the best point in my life, I didn't cry for that one either... (and to be honest, I don't remember seeing my father crying either) However... When I look back at my grandfather, I remember going back there, and picking up his acordian, and trying to play music, I would suck, my grandfather would play the most beautiful music, after he took it from me because he couldn't stand my noise anymore

I remember every time we left their house, we honked, and then waved, and they were right at the window waving back... every time. Anyways, My grandfather was a war vet... I remember the story of how one time, he was told to sleep in his jeep by his commanding officer, he didn't want to but the officer orderd him to do it... He dissobayed orders... He slept in a trench, next morning the jeep was blown up... I forget his exact words of what he said his commanding officer said the next morning, but it was something along the lines of, You dissobayed a dirrect order! But I am glad your alive (something like that....) Anyway... Oh a little more about my grandfather, A little story, My mom wanted to name me Herbert, after her father, see, He actually had like 4 girls and 1 boy, The boy never got married, to carry on the name, It's pretty much up to me to carry on this name. As my dad wouldn't allow my first name to be herbert (obvious reasons, but Leads to an interesting conversation) It became my middle name
Paul Herbert Michael I remember my mom driving me one day, and saying how I was to carry it on... But anyway... When my grandfather died, I had never seen a church so full in my life, big church too I couldn't believe the line up of cars, we were going on this highway and we were making a turn, it was a long curv turn to, and it was almost like you could see on the hurrizan, and the cars didn't seem to end... Thats the first time I ever cried in my life was actually after they said all the asshes to asshes dust to dust not actually right after that tho... when driving away from the funeral, my dad was driving, When he noticed I had started to cry, he had to pull the car over, because he couldn't see with all the tears in his eyes either.
Farther more I have to add this in, as it keeps poping up in my head. My fathers dad shot himself in the head. When my father was really young, His dad did it in the middle of the driveway, I believe this is one of the reasons he was a bit of an asshole, not to mention his dad was a drunk, I don't know everything tho, he doesn't like to talk about it, obvious reasons.

I randomly just noticed I forgot I hadn't said this about my mother, but she would take me to Mc.Donalds every time she seen me, and she would buy a happy meal, and never give me the toy, I remember It really bugged me, sometimes, she would just get an extra toy or something, and not give it to me, I am not sure... but anyway, She saved the Mc.Donalds toys, Every single one of them, I will make a video just for that. Show you all the toys... she left them in a box in her basement, marked, Pauls 18th birthday, and yes, they are the pretty much ORIGINAL toys... from way back when...

Random thoughts:

I remember Giving a kid a pack of smokes, and 2 bucks for drinking some random kids piss... I had it recorded... I wonder if I still have it somewere... I know like 3 other people recorded it to though.... Quite alot of people seen it, It happened at an internet cafe

In Life you are going to meet lots of people, these people can change your outlook on life, There are many people In life I know I am never going to forget, but regardless of if I will ever talk to them again, I will always remember those good times, those good feelings, sure I may remember the bad, but you have to not let your past bother you, and always look forward to your future, its what you make it.

I remember a person going up to me, and telling me, hey I noticed you smoked your last cig, you want another, he went on to telling me how you should live your life the way you please, because in the end we will all just be a memory anyway, Drink your beer, smoke your pot... He never said crack tho, I am glad, because I would have punched him in the face right there... I hate crackheads.... but no seriolsy I wouldn't of hit them... and remember, I don't hate... I am just dissapointed in their choice in life... I guess... Some people are dissapointed that a person is an alcoholic? or what does that mean? Now I just went on a huge random rant.... But if anyone has any opinions on that please tell me. I will re-read this latter and probably add to this.

Self quotes:
In life, many people seem to be only to look after themself, I believe that if we all worked together in this world, and everyone stoped being so self driven and crooked, this world would be a much better place, we are all on this earth to make it in life, So lets make it a good life, For all of us.

I was reading threw this and I saw how I talked about friends I will never forget, example, Justin Eliot, I remember droping a desk on his finger when we was carrying it, hitting him in the head with a golf club, gee, no wonder why He doesn't let me come around anymore! haha... Miss that kid tho... been a while... Thats just one out of so many memory's, of so many friends, I could write so much, seriosly, I think If I really went out on this, I don't think I would ever stop writing!

Life lessons/ Final thoughts:
In life You only get one family, This is your family, this is your blood, they may die within time, but spend the time you got with them as well as possible, fights happen, but work them out, you should try to work out all your problems with as little negativity as possible.

You should never hate someone for who they are, but be disappointed in what they do. Don't hold grudges, but be forgiven, as people should give you the same decency, of course there is a thing called tough love, but there is a point were you should draw a line.

When you die? What Is left? The memory of you, the thoughts of the morals, the values that you had, Live your life going around being Mr.Tough guy, and you're going to be known as that asshole, Don't be an asshole in life, but be the "nice guy" the "nice girl" always try to help those in need, because when you die, It will be your kind actions that people will remember you for, and hopefully live by your kind actions, When you open a door, Look behind you, even if your in a rush, Never say f*ckem just because You need to get Somewhere, You may not be paid in cash for being a nice guy, But life will be easier, because those you help, tend to help you back.
We are all in this world together, We might as well make life easyer for those around us, then make it harder and try to hate the world, Love it for the good times, Learn from the bad, Always teach those around you what you have learned, and learn from them. But when listening to any advice, thank them for it, and then after, do as you wish (yea quote from movie there but good quote)
Live life to its fullest, there will always be heart ake, there is always something that is going to stress you out, but try not to let anything bother you to much, or turn you sour, life is good if you want it to be, life is bad if you let it be.

My favorite line out of all of this is:
In life, many people seem to be only to look after them self, I believe that if we all worked together in this world, and everyone stopped being so self driven and crooked, this world would be a much better place, we are all on this earth to make it in life, So lets make it a good life, For all of us.