I Can Change Him...
Lord_Melchet @ Thu Nov 24, 2005 7:48 am
Crabbypants Crabbypants:
When I first met my husband 20 some years ago, it was a case of 'opposites attract'. We're from completely different backgrounds with alien customs, traditions, values etc. I don't know what I was thinking at the time but over the years a lot of things get on my nerves (he spits on the sidewalk, ffs!) But he's mine and I love him so what you gonna do?
Replace him :D
rockymountainrider @ Thu Nov 24, 2005 2:16 pm
People change as their environment changes. The idea that I should be as carefree and irresponsible now as I was in my teens would leave my kids hungry, filthy and living in poverty. My wife was part of my environment that led me to be where I am now.
We're similar to the people who met one night in a bar but there's more substance now. She's challanged me to be a better man and I hope that I've been able to challange her too.
The idea that she can come to the decision that she's going to consciously alter my behaviour or my thoughts is delusional. Until I've made up my mind to change my thoughts or behaviour then that's what I'll do. And I am talking about things like spitting on the sidewalk or the infamous toothpaste cap or the toilet seat issues, not whether I'm going to stay out all night every other night, neglect the kids and drink my pay so we're broke.
I can't make her do anything she wouldn't consider, why would I? Seems like a wasted effort to me.
Blue_Nose @ Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:15 pm
rocky has it... people should change for their significant other, not because of them...
Brunswicked @ Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:32 pm
Except a person for who they are and no one needs changing.
Regina @ Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:34 pm
Brunswicked Brunswicked:
Except a person for who they are and no one needs changing.
Accept or except?? 
Brunswicked @ Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:36 pm
AWWWWWWWW! Snitzuel
Brunswicked @ Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:38 pm
Just let them be the person they are. If you're with them you must not mind too bad.
rockymountainrider @ Fri Nov 25, 2005 6:14 am
True, if you're with them there must be something there. Unfortunately some folks try too hard or are there for the wrong reasons. A wonderful woman I know has been reduced to a shell of herself by staying with the guys she's with. She's tried and tried to change him but everytime she leaves more of herself behind. I'm tired of watching it but can't convince her.
Brunswicked @ Fri Nov 25, 2005 8:04 am
Sounds like me:( I have been with a man 25 years and know he'll never change. I had tried over the years and like your friend I was losing me more each time so I've decided to let him be who he is and will move on in the new year. Don't give up on her.
rockymountainrider @ Fri Nov 25, 2005 9:56 am
Where there's life there's hope eh Brunswicked? Best wishes for you.
Brunswicked @ Fri Nov 25, 2005 9:58 am
Very true and I have lots of hope. Things will work out for me I'm sure. As they will for your friend just keep being there for her.
DayDreamer72 @ Sun Nov 27, 2005 1:38 pm
well personally i would never ask a guy to change for me... and i have never asked a guy to change for me... why would i want a guy who wasnt himself...and if i didnt like the guy for who he was...i would be with him... its not fair or just to ask him to change himself...
RockyMtn_Girl @ Sun Nov 27, 2005 3:06 pm
I don't know too many mid 30's and older women who still believe in this concept of "changing him". This seems to be more common in younger, more immature thinking women. These women seem to be under the mistaken belief that they hold all the power in these relationships and are just arrogant enough to believe this guy will do anything to please her - even changing something significant about himself to meet her needs. Usually, but not always, a couple of bad relationships alters their thinking on this.
Even though it is much more commen in women, men behave in this manner also.