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Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my partyliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

- Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.

- Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.

- Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.

- Try Kotex blah blah blah other products

Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries.

Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking

6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol.

Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.

The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage, including at the point of purchase.

So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass.

(Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're doing it!)


Ovarily Yours

Miss PMS

   

tides in

   

more accurately..... riding the crimson wave

   

your not thin your not flat why...... wear a maxi thats only that .
Have you seen the new commercial where they use a tampon to plug the hole in the boat. ..btw why is all the liquid in tampon commercials blue whats up with that.

   

my exact same thoughts!

   

.....and thats speaking for the guys chased to the store and have to wait in line at the check out too.

   

My frikken kayak has a few pinhole's and after watching the commercial I now have a solution.

Tampons,or as they say on cjay92...."Manpons" (soak up those potential skid marks with "Manpons)

You would have to talk to someone that listens to cjay92 to understand that.

   

Him}Honey put this in your purse
her}is that one of my tampons?
him) No honey,it's a "Manpon"

Guess you had to be there.

   

ok ok I get it and I have seen the commercial . Three cheers for the creation of the menstual cycle ... it also means you can't use the line sink or swim when bringing dates out on the boat oops wrong referances ... oh well , I think Ziggy will know who I'm talking to.

   

Why would red be to graphic ...it's a tampon ad...

   

it doesn't matter when the perferance is brown bagging it .....errr is that red bagging it ....errrr

   

Is that the new one made by Honda

   

...I think I'll go surf the Tools section at the Canadian Tire website....

   

You're funny Kitty.

   

Funny stuff... two thumbs up!

   

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