1  2  Next

Just need to rant a little this morning....

The "it's not you" line is a cop-out. Its an attempt to end things in a non-confrontational and completely false way. If you are happy with the person then you don't end things. If you do end things then it is because it isn't working with them which definitely makes it about them and thereby cancels out your ability to use the 'it's not you'.

Honesty might hurt more, but it at least shows a level of respect for the other person's intelligence.

And I will now end my rant before I become one of those bitter, man haters that I absolutely loathe. ....thanks for the outlet

   

You got the line, didn't you? You should have said, 'You're right it's not me, you're the retard!'

   

yeah I got it....unfortunately I don't think he is a retard...would be easier if I did

   

Crap! That line doesn't work? I'm gonna have to re-vamp my entire approach! Any pointers?

   

be honest....that's my advice...

   

3 little words "I am Gay".

   

Truth is certainly important, and being truthful should never be easier than at the end of the relationship.

That being said, there are other things which can affect a relationship. A difficult issue in their life may prevent them from being able to give the appropriate (in their mind) amount of attention to the relationship, and may need time to figure it out. Some people need to do this alone, others would appreciate the company and support.

I obviously can't say that this is the case in your situation, but there is such a thing as breaking up for personal reasons... I doubt that helps, but it's good to talk about.

   

How do you tell someone that you have fallen out of love with them when they haven't done anything wrong? How do you tell them when you don't even know why you have fallen out of love. A case like that is about as close to "its not you its me". Even if you say "I don't love you anymore" the next question you get immediately is "why?". There isn't always an answer. The J. Geils Band said it best.

   

Just tell her that you've got herpes... that'll end everything nice and quick

   

Who told you?

   

I guess in my mind wanting to work things out alone means that you think the other person doesn't have anything to offer in the way of help or understanding. Wanting the other person around in a time of crisis is to me fundamental to what a relationship is all about. I don't think I agree about the 'personal reasons'....but I'm still a little close to the situation.

My vote is still to outlaw the 'its not you' line.

   

I've found the "it's not you" line physically less painful than the "it's not you, there's someone else"........but that's just my experience. Yup I've seen the light....just after some of the swelling goes down.

   

I agree with the outlawing of that cop out phrase, unless of course you cannot think of any other excuse. I think its mainly done to let them down gently rather than destroy them completely. Think about it which is worse:

1) its over, its not you, its me I need to find myself and need space.

or

2) its over, I have found this amazing lady who quite frankly is better looking than you, better body, better sex and not such of a control freak. can I just say before I go that our time together was a bloody nightmare, your bum is too big, you have a serious body odour problem, you fart in your sleep and your attempt at oral sex was like making love to a cheese grater.

I know which one I would opt for if I wished to retain my lower body parts

   

Like I said, I can't speak directly for him... if it made sense, you wouldn't care.

My advice would be to actively 'get over it', and try not to worry about it too much... he's just one person. I learned recently that if you can't control your emotional state you must be addicted to it. The more you feel a certain way, the more your body becomes (biologically) attached to that feeling.

   

on that note....

   

1  2  Next