Joke of the Day!!!!

I thought we should have a lighter side to the forums and I invite people to post jokes here everyday to spread a little humor around.

I heard both of these jokes today at work from the same customer and they're......well..... a little sexist.

They've found a cure for mad cow disease.......a box of chocolates and a dozen roses.

Why did they call PMS, PMS?.........cause the name Mad cow disease was already taken.

You wont last 10 minutes once the wife/girlfriend sees this LMAO..

BTW they were good..

good thing there's an add for flowers on the side of the page

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read: “Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man.”
“How about that!” he exclaimed. “They’ve got three people buried in one grave.”

Theres over 40,000 battered woman in Alberta?

and all this time I've been eating mine raw.

Little red riding hood is going to visit her grandmother, as she is walking down the path a Squirrel jumps out of the bushes and says. Oh little red riding hood you have to be careful of the big bad wolf. If he finds you he's going to jump out and play with your titties.

So she replies ok i'll be careful

So she comtinues down the path and a little further down a rabbit jumps out of the bushes and says. Oh little red riding hood you have to be careful of the big bad wolf. If he finds you he's going to jump out and play with your titties.

So she replies no problem i'll be careful

So down the path she goes towards her grandmothers house and suddenly the big bad wolf jumps out of the bushes and says. Ok little red ridinf hood come over here and let me play with your titties.

So litte red riding hood goes into her basket and pulls out this big gun and says to the wolf ..Go f**k yourself your going to eat me just like the book says.

WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A DONKEY WITH AN ONION?

Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears. But every
once in awhile, you luck out and get a piece of ass that brings tears
to your eyes.

A native guy told me this one today.

What do you say to an Indian with a Harley?

STOP THIEF!!!!!!!!

Oh I have a really corny joke for you all!!!

What kind of gum do whales chew?

Blubber gum!!!!!!!!!!

A guy is driving down the road at 50 kph when an Indian guy passes him running. The guy can't believe it so he speeds up to 80 kph and passes the indian. A few minutes later the indian blows by him, again on foot running. The guy is even more surprised and speeds up to 120 kph and passes the indian again. What happens, a few minutes later the indian passes him like he's standing still. After a couple of minutes he comes around the corner and the indian is piled up in the trees in a ditch, he gets out to see if he ok and asks the indian what happened, the indian replies..............."Flat Moccasin"

These are some jokes from an old forum that I thought might have some kicks and giggles........Dont ask me where I came up with that stupid term, Haha.

Anyway,
Here is one!

A Canadian Mountie is riding along on his horse one day and spies a little girl on a fancy bike on the sidewalk. He stops and says: "Hi there - that a very fancy bike - Did Santa bring it for you?" The little girl replies: "Yes - he sure did!" The mountie comes back with: "Well next year - maybe you should ask Santa to bring you some reflective lights for your bike so you don't get a ticket" The girl chuckles and asks the Mountie: "That's a really nice horse you have - Did Santa bring it for you?" The Mountie chuckles even harder and replies: "Why yes - he certainly did!" The girl then says: "That was really nice of Santa to do that - but next year - tell Santa that the DICK goes underneath the horse...not on top!!!"

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A man was camping and was in search of a bathroom so he could empty out his snake. (Or in other words, drain out the main vain or take a wizz.) He finally saw an outhouse and went inside and did his thing. Though suddenly when he was about to leave and wipe his bush he slipped and fell into the toilet. (In camping sites they have toilets that go down pretty deep) He almost puked because of the smell when suddenly he saw a First Nation standing beside him. The man said to the First Nation "How long have you been down here bub?" The First Nation answered "Many Moons, Many Moons.......".

Here's a primer for anyone planning on visiting Alberta..enjoy.

Thank you for visiting our beautiful Province of Alberta .

Here are a few things you ought to know to make your stay more pleasant:

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it.
Now drive or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi die. We got over it.

4. Any references to "grain fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds
of ham and turkey.

8. Yeah, we have sweetened ice tea. It comes sweetened; you don't need a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. You bring Coke into my house you should bring rum or rye along, and ice.

10. So you have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million-dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town, but we stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat trout, northern pike, walleye and perch, too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Highways #1 and #16 go two ways - get on one of them. The more people that leave, the better the hunting & fishing.

15. The "Opener" refers to the first days of fishing and hunting season. They are religious holidays. No one will fix your breakfast on the Opener. You can get breakfast at the church.

16. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

17. Yeah, we have golf courses, more per person than anywhere else on earth. Don't hit into the water hazards. It spooks the damn fish. And stay out of the woods, that spooks the deer.

Please enjoy your stay

Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit. One fly farts. The other one says, "Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here."

A lady goes to a gynecologist. The doctor says to her, "You have a very large vagina. You have a very large vagina." The lady says, "You don't have to say it twice." The doctor said, "I didn't."