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Lots of cranky old bastards around here so I thought a thread for some war stories might be called for. I'll go first since I started it.

UNPROFOR Roto 1 '92. 2 Tp (Engineers from 1 CER) attached to 3 VP out of Camp Polom. The hand-over from 2 Tp 4 CER has just taken place. 1 CEU has just dispatched a recce element to confirm the scope of work and the requirements for winterization of the Battle Group. Nothing has been prepared and the buildings are in shit state. In comes a few officers to begin the recce. A day or two later the Engineer Officers are assessing the buildings within Camp Polom and they run across the Field Troop CP. It was simply a modular tent built on a level raised platform (the ground sloped) with wooden end walls. There was a little balcony attached with a screen door in the end wall. The boys (4 CER) did a neat job, staining and finishing the end walls. Well, to get back to it, these two officers come into the CP and start looking around. One of them (an ex MCpl) is pretty full of himself, first tour, lots o' drama, with an Inf unit, "gonna save these dumb asses" type of attitude. He looks down at the TpWO, who is trying to ignore this interruption while working at the pile of returns, and says "WO. What exactly was this before?
A puzzled look attaches to the WO's face. "What was what before? sir"
"This, WO" says the officer while waving his arm vaguely about.
"Sir, <sigh>... this is a fucking tent"

Officer does the (He is dealing after all with a "lowly" TpWO)

"Not the tent WO, but this. What was this before?" Pointing at the end wall.

"Fuck, sir, it was lumber" and goes back to work.

The officer left without another word and never came back in the 4 months that 1 CEU was there.

   

This is just a quick and weird little tale told by my Grandfather. Was first sent to Europe as a tail gunner for a Halifax Bomber. He was part of 425 Alouette Sqn. They were on their way to a mission, but fog rolled in, and no one could see a foot in front of them. So he's sitting in his turret, when out of nowhere, a German Messerschmitt flies right by him about a foot away. It was so close, he swore he could see the pilots eye and hair colour. And he never saw the Messerschmitt again. All he did in that brief second was look at the pilot who looked back at him, and they just nodded. Freaky story if ya ask me.

   

my uncle Alex landed with the Canadian forces at D-day on Juno beach... they were approaching Caen 6 days in after heavy fighting with the German forces in and around Caen.. he and another driver were moving supplies up to some frontal position.. they took a wrong turn the truck behind him hit a mine on the road and went up like a ball of flame... so he couldn't back up... as he went down this one section of road artillary ( what he thought was artillary bracketted the road... he and his partner jumped out of the truck into the ditches on the sides of the road.. they crawled forward to see what was happening apparently.. a German Panther tank that was positioned in a house.. he could see the side of the tank and the business end of the 75/70 cannon sticking out of the structure. The Panther was engaing three Canadian or British sherman tanks.. coming up from the fields... The panther he believe dispatched one sherman and disabled another. The Shermans finally knocked out the Panther after intensive hits... My uncle said he was never more scared at any point during the war than right then.. caught on the cross fire of 4 tanks.. with German infantry every where... After the Panther was dispatched.. they got back to the truck and high tailed it back to thier lines...

   

Not exactly a war story but...

Way back when I had licensed a patent to Raytheon for an inertial guidance device that was immune to EMP. So the military bought a few for a test run and one day I get a call from Massachussetts telling me to go to Travis AFB and get on a plane and don't ask any stupid questions. At this point I'd been out of the USMC for a couple of years but I still knew how to STFU when told to.
I get on a C-130 and started what was to be a 39 hour trip to Perth, Australia which featured a hot, sweaty six hours on the tarmac at Hickam in Hawaii where I was not allowed to leave the plane despite the fact that I was baking.
I get to Perth and get on a helicopter and flown out to the USS Ranger where I'm escorted down to the flight deck where I find an F-111 USAF Aardvark with an arresting hook on it. I asked wtf an F-111 was doing on the carrier and was told, brusquely, to shut up and fix the plane.

My freaking jaw dropped.

It turned out that Raytheon had deployed a completely re-engineered version of my development platform and had no one trained to service the damn thing. So since they figured I'd be able to fathom what the hell they'd done I got the job.

So that's the set up.

The fun part was here I was a civvie servicing an aircraft that legally was not supposed to exist and the Marines who were guarding the plane had orders not to let anyone through to see what I was doing.

So some Navy officers show up to 'inspect' the plane and the Marines told them that this was not a good idea. The Navy guys showed their shoulders and the Marines still didn't care. So this one Navy officer crosses the no-walk line and tells the Marine, "I'm LCDR so-and-so!" the Marine punches him in the gut and then rifle butts him in the neck.

"I'm Lance Cpl. ***, sir!" he says and then salutes the crumpled officer before calling a corpsman.

I don't know if this is funny to you folks, but it sure as hell was funny to me to see an officer get his ass handed to him and then get a proper salute at the end of it.

   

proof positive you don't f**k with the USMC.. it doesn't matter who you are hoowahhh... sempre fi....

   

Keep 'em funny!

******WARNING DISGUSTING SOLDIER HUMOUR!********




Troop adventure training in the Yukon in the early 80's. Mid-August. Excellent rafting trip from Whitehorse to Dawson City, weather was beautiful (not enough bars).

Finally get to Dawson City. We arrived early so no Herc yet. Arrangements were made with the school to use their gym to house us until the plane arrives. Everything is cleaned and prepped so the boss lets us out. Well, the troops manage to scatter pretty quickly. One of the early favorites is Diamond Tooth Gerties. A bunch of us are in there having a few. Not many tourists around yet, so we are pretty much the main attraction for the available (at a cost) ladies that occaissonally frequent such places. Soldiers+money+beer=needing relief of the sort that the other sex participates in. The oral version. One fellow takes up the offer and escorts the woman out. He returns a few minutes later much more steady in the nerves and alot more relaxed. The assessment is two thumbs up. So another takes the offer as well. While the second guy is out another Tp member sits down at the group of tables we have pushed together and pours himself a beer. The lady and her escort return and sit down beside the guy who just joined. A while passes and the new fellow realizes that the other sapper is just ignoring this fine piece of as...er...flesh so he hits on her. She, suprisingly , responds warmly to his advances. He gives off the impression that this is only natural as he is the long lost heir to Rudolph Valentino. He gets a few thumbs up and grins from across the table. So he gets a little more forward with this encouragement. Nobody has bothered to fill him in on this womans true vocation, because, well, it is obvious, and the guy isn't normally that dense, actually he's pretty smart.

Valentino is in his glory now, so he leans over and gives her a long deep passionate kiss that is returned eargerly! The table errupts in a roar! (You should be able to figure out why) Laughing, he gives her another. Boy, she just about jumps down his throat to return the kiss. Then it happens. The other sapper (the second one) leans across her towards Valentino and says,

"Sir, How did me and x taste?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Sir, she's a hooker and she just took me and x out for a blowjob, so, how did we taste?"

He turns to her, and to his utter horror, she confirms what has just been said. Lots of puking, laughing and tons more beer later, we were all still one big happy family

   

Who needs enimies......

   

   

How about the story of a few inf types on a recce patrol and observe a VanDoo maj. go into a portapotty.. well using all the training they had recieved on stealthy movements, they proceeded to sneak up on the potty and push it over on its door before running like hell back into the woods.......

   

The temptation to make a shitty comeback is overwhelming!
Doh!

Officers in blue-rockets...man, them's temptin' targets o' oppertunity fer a couple o' troop-loops wit time on ther hands.

   

Op Cobra in Pet way back when. 2 months in the field, when they decide some BGen is going to "inspect" the troops in their defensive positions just before end-ex. Anyone who has put scrim on before knows that it needs to be replaced every couple of days right? No one really does though, so you end up with a helmet full of hay. So here we are, sitting in out holes looking mean when the BGen strolls by in his CF's to inspect us. He nearly looses his mind when he sees one of the fire team members helmet scrim has been lit on fire. He goes to work kicking dirt on the troop, who, sleep deprived and all, is yelling at the CSM to get the Officer to quit kicking dirt on him. The CSM meanwhile, is nearly pissing his pants laughing at the scene unfolding in front of him. So...hours later...in the CP...I proved that his scrim had spontaneously combusted, probably due to the reflection of the noon sun off buddy's glasses, or some kind of goofy shit, and NOT, as was suggested, that I did it.

   

A couple stories from the old days as told by a family memeber. CFS Alert, back in the 80's when it was still a real base.

So, his Mom sends up a real BBQ. You know the kind - cheap three legged one that looks like a sphere cut in half. I'm told it arrived, but I couldn't for the life of me, find it.

A few days later, I'm out looking at the antenna array, and lo and behold! There it is, bolted to the top of one of the antenna. I guess a techie figured it was a new piece of comm to spy on the Russians with. I wonder if they actually picked anything up with it.

Then, later in the 80's, Games with the Yanks and Brits in the North Sea off the coast of Norway. We were onboard a Sea King, flying back to the Atha-B through the pea soup you only find in the North Sea. So we're low on fuel, when we find the landing pad. We're waved in, and when we get close to the pad, about 6 feet above it, it becomes obvious that everything is written in cyrillic. Ffffffffuuuuck! Bastard Russians are more than happy to let us land! The pilot managed to get us back, but we were on fumes when we landed.

   

funny little video.. US Navy pilots:

http://www.big-boys.com/articles/theairforcefun.html

   

I like the part in the clip when the rear seater had the Sony Playstation controller in hand acting like he was controlling the mid-air refuelling.

Hormel26C would love this thread and I'm sure he could add to it!!

   

Anybody hear anything from him lately?

Hormel: if you're reading this, don't reply, save the Inmarsat for calls home for the crew!

   

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