Joke of the Day!!!!

Company hires a new worker from Newfoundland and the first day, the boss calls his new worker over and points to a propped up telephone pole.

"We'll be using that pole today so I want you to measure how high it is"

"Sure thing boss"

So the Newfy stands there, looking at the pole and wondering how he's going to measure it. A co-worker passes by and sees him scratching his head and asks him what the problem is.

"The boss asked me to measure how high the pole is"

"Easy, knock it down and then you can measure it"

The Newfy looks at him and says, "Don't try to fool the new guy. The boss wants the height of the pole, not the length".

How many Illuminati does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to screw it in, and one to confuse the issue.

I saw two guys dressed in matching outfits. They looked so cute in their outfits I just had to ask if they were gay? They arrested me and now there are 49 others in my holding tank with me all dressed the same. Should I ask if any of them are gay?

I wouldn't unless they are buying drinks.

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her
blouse, he notices a red “H” on her
chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my
boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off
his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl
comes in for a checkup. As she
takes off her blouse, he notices a
blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you
get that mark on your chest?” asks
the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to
Yale and he’s so proud of it that he
never takes off his Yale sweatshirt,
even when we make love,” she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl
comes in for a checkup. As she
takes off her blouse, he notices a red
“M” on her chest. “Do you have a
boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the
doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at
Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

Q: What do feminists use for birth control?

A: Their personalities!

A banker's son goes off to college while the banker's daughter wastes her life at home watching TV and hanging out with her friends.

The son comes home from college and announces he's now a fervent socialist. He also asks his father for $1000 for upcoming school expenses.

The father tells the son to earn the money cleaning up the yard.

When the son is done he goes to the father to ask for the money.

The father counts out $1000 and hands the son $300.

Then he gives the layabout daughter $700.

The son says to his father, "Why the hell did you do that? She didn't do anything to earn that money, I did!"

The father replies, "Because that's socialism!"

Not a joke but still funny.

Anal Sex

A lady has her regular check up with her family physician

After the regular prodding, poking, samples and tests are complete, she mentions to the doctor that her husband has developed a liking for anal sex and she was wondering what his opinion was on the practice.

The doctor asked her if she liked it. She answers that she rather likes it.
The doctor asked her if she finds it painful. Not at all she responds, I tend to enjoy it.

Well then, replies the doctor, there is no reason for you not to practice this activity as long as you take preventive measures so as not get pregnant.
What? She replies, I didn’t think you could get pregnant from anal sex.

But of course, replies the doctor. Where do you think politicians come from?