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President Biden has called for full legalization of marijuana.

Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session.

   

/\

   

Vladimir Putin was being briefed by one of his top generals.

"I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir."

"Let's hear the good news," the president replied.

"Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all."

"That's excellent! Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! What's the bad the news?"

The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir."

   

I met a genie once. He gave me one wish. I said “I wish I could be you.”

The genue saud, "weurd wush but U wull grant ut."

   

Having gay parents must be awful.

Either 2 times the normal amount of dad jokes, or you get stuck in a loop of “go ask your mom.”

   

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed.

I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

   

A boy asked his Bitcoin investing uncle for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin.

Uncle: $10.28? What do you need $8.41 for?

   

Vampires aren't real.

Unless you count Dracula.

   

Before starting World War 3

The Russians should consider finishing World War 1 and upgrading their weapons

   

You're on a roll here DrC.

   

He's on something, that's for sure.

   

   

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.' 'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.' Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'

Bartender: 'Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?' Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really...'

Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?' Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them s**t in my eye.'

Bartender: 'You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird s**t?' Pirate: 'Well, it was my first day with the hook.'

   

A good pun is it's own reword.

   

So I'm having a physical exam, and the nurse asks me if I want to ejaculate in the cup.

I told her, I'm pretty good at it, but I'm not ready to turn pro.

   

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