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Two priests in a car are stopped by the police.

The driver rolls down the window.

Policeman: "Hello. We are looking for two pedophiles.”

The window goes up, the policeman stands there with a skeptical look and sees the priests discussing. Window down.

Priest: "Okay, we'll do it."

   

What do you call a person that is happy on a Monday?

Unemployed.

   

I told myself I should stop drinking.


But I'm not going to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

   

   

Every couple hours, I call 'The 700' club, and ask to speak to Pat Robertson.

After a few calls, they started yelling at me, saying "He is DEAD!"

I said, 'I know, I just like to hear you say it.'

   

To the lady with her kid on a leash; sorry I asked if it was a rescue.

   

So how did your vacation at the nudist camp go?

It was hard the first day, not so much after that.

   

Gerrard, a young Parisian stud, books himself a couple of weeks at a coastal nudist colony to work on the tan (and the ladies) but on his first day he realizes his member looks like a milk bottle compared to the rest of his tanned, toned body - he doesn't believe in sunbeds and you can't exactly bathe naked on the banks of the Sienne.

Thinking quickly, he finds a quite cove of the resort, covers his bits in factor 2 and buries himself in the sand, leaving just his cock and balls sticking out. Shortly thereafter two old ladies happen by.

"Well would you look at that?" says one. "A cock, just there on the beach like that."

"I know." Says the other. "When I was twenty I'd do anything for one. When I was thirty it had to be the right one. When I was forty I had to work for one. When I was fifty I couldn't get one..."

"Aye" says the other woman. "And now the fuckers are growing wild!"

   

Did you know that a dragon can't blow up... but a dino might.

   

What is the most confusing day in the US south?

Fathers Day.

   

The three unwritten rules of life:

1)

2)

3)

   

Juneteenth can legally only be acknowledged in 15 US States.

   

Submarine ride to visit the wreck of the Titanic, $250,000.

Permanently join the wreck of the Titanic, priceless!

   

One sinking sub is called The Titan, what do you call a fleet of sinking subs?


Reddit.

   

Local woman makes hating Canada her entire personality, wins Alberta election

   

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