Joke of the Day!!!!
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ShepherdsDog @ Tue Jul 26, 2005 3:39 am
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died
and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good
man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you
can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said "I want to hang
out with God.
"St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's
me...."
God commented:
"Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty
unstable,
makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke,
"Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"
God said, " Ah, yes."
"Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some
major design flaws
in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and
waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to
Arthur, "but according to
these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.
HockeyBabe @ Tue Jul 26, 2005 11:30 am
although I'm not much into jokes about God, that one was funny...
Hester @ Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:11 pm
I couldn't find the "Yo Mama so.." thread, so I'm posting this right here:
Yo mama so fat that she went to KFC and when they asked her what size bucket she wanted, she said, "The one on the roof!"
ShepherdsDog @ Fri Jul 29, 2005 3:37 am
Three Americans decided to go hunting duck hunting in Canada, for the first time. They travelled to a small town located near a marsh famed for its great hunting and set up their campers about a mile or so out from town.
The next day they got up bright and early and were quite successful, bagging their limit in a short time. Two of the hunters decided to stay and watch some other duck hunters, while the third hunter decided that he would walk into town and explore, seeing he'd never been in Canada before.
So he strolled into town and looked around for a bit, then had a bite at one of the local cafes. After this, he strolled over to the local pub for a few beers. The barkeep noticing a new face, struck up a conversation with the hunter. The hunter admitted that he'd never been to Canada before, but heard that Canadian beer was far superior to American beer and would like to try some. The bar tender was happy to oblige, but warned the fellow that it had a little more kick than what he was used to drinking and to watch how much he consumed.
After the first one he realized that he had found ambrosia and proceeded to pound back one after the other like a man possessed.
Hours later and totally shit faced, he managed to stagger back to his camper.
The next afternoon before leaving for home, the hunter walked back to town, looking a little worse for wear and stopped by the pub to say goodbye to the barkeep. The barkeep, asked if would like another beer before he left. The hunter looked aghast. "Not a fucking chance buddy! I drank so much last night that all I can remember getting home and blowing chunks!"
"Well drinking too much can make you puke.", replied the barkeep.
"No!, no! You don't understand!", moaned the hunter. " 'Chunks' is the name of my dog!"
Adeez @ Fri Jul 29, 2005 4:14 am
$1:
16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job fucking sucks.
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job fucking sucks.
I love this thread.
HockeyBabe @ Fri Jul 29, 2005 8:52 am
lollll Sheps! that was effin funny! keep em coming!
Jusin @ Fri Jul 29, 2005 9:02 am
ShepherdsDog ShepherdsDog:
Three Americans decided to go hunting duck hunting in Canada, for the first time. They travelled to a small town located near a marsh famed for its great hunting and set up their campers about a mile or so out from town.
The next day they got up bright and early and were quite successful, bagging their limit in a short time. Two of the hunters decided to stay and watch some other duck hunters, while the third hunter decided that he would walk into town and explore, seeing he'd never been in Canada before.
So he strolled into town and looked around for a bit, then had a bite at one of the local cafes. After this, he strolled over to the local pub for a few beers. The barkeep noticing a new face, struck up a conversation with the hunter. The hunter admitted that he'd never been to Canada before, but heard that Canadian beer was far superior to American beer and would like to try some. The bar tender was happy to oblige, but warned the fellow that it had a little more kick than what he was used to drinking and to watch how much he consumed.
After the first one he realized that he had found ambrosia and proceeded to pound back one after the other like a man possessed.
Hours later and totally shit faced, he managed to stagger back to his camper.
The next afternoon before leaving for home, the hunter walked back to town, looking a little worse for wear and stopped by the pub to say goodbye to the barkeep. The barkeep, asked if would like another beer before he left. The hunter looked aghast. "Not a fucking chance buddy! I drank so much last night that all I can remember getting home and blowing chunks!"
"Well drinking too much can make you puke.", replied the barkeep.
"No!, no! You don't understand!", moaned the hunter. " 'Chunks' is the name of my dog!"
The next day they got up bright and early and were quite successful, bagging their limit in a short time. Two of the hunters decided to stay and watch some other duck hunters, while the third hunter decided that he would walk into town and explore, seeing he'd never been in Canada before.
So he strolled into town and looked around for a bit, then had a bite at one of the local cafes. After this, he strolled over to the local pub for a few beers. The barkeep noticing a new face, struck up a conversation with the hunter. The hunter admitted that he'd never been to Canada before, but heard that Canadian beer was far superior to American beer and would like to try some. The bar tender was happy to oblige, but warned the fellow that it had a little more kick than what he was used to drinking and to watch how much he consumed.
After the first one he realized that he had found ambrosia and proceeded to pound back one after the other like a man possessed.
Hours later and totally shit faced, he managed to stagger back to his camper.
The next afternoon before leaving for home, the hunter walked back to town, looking a little worse for wear and stopped by the pub to say goodbye to the barkeep. The barkeep, asked if would like another beer before he left. The hunter looked aghast. "Not a fucking chance buddy! I drank so much last night that all I can remember getting home and blowing chunks!"
"Well drinking too much can make you puke.", replied the barkeep.
"No!, no! You don't understand!", moaned the hunter. " 'Chunks' is the name of my dog!"
I just just shit myself.
p.s. here`s one of mine
http://jusinkase.blogspot.com/2005/07/4 ... -have.html
p.s.s. I used every one.
Jusin @ Fri Jul 29, 2005 9:57 am
lily lily:
My husband gave me a lovely mood ring for my birthday. When I'm in a good mood it turns a pretty shade of blue and when I'm in a bad mood it puts a red mark right in the middle of his f'in' forehead.
thats great.. its a bit like this one:
Last request
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father. "The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun...'"
HockeyBabe @ Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:50 am
that's jacked up... also liked the 40 THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY (OR HAVE SAID) AT WORK 
canucker @ Sat Jul 30, 2005 2:13 am
HockeyBabe @ Sat Jul 30, 2005 2:45 pm
that's funny...
I told my mom the "yo mamma" joke that Trevor posted on the previous page and she couldn't stop laughing...plus, she was driving! 
canadian1971 @ Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:56 pm
WIFE 1.0 UPGRADE (author unknown)
Last year, after hearing how great it was for so long, a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 3.0 to Wife 1.0. He has found Wife 1.0 to be a resource hog, leaving him very little free space for other applications. Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Subroutines, which further consumes valuable system resources. His system performance and resources seem to diminish with each passing day. At first, he thought Wife 1.0 might be infected with a virus, but other users have assured him that Wife 1.0 is behaving normally and this behavior should be expected due to the nature of the application. My friend also discovered that Wife 1.0 installed itself in such a way that it can monitor all other systm activity. He now finds that some programs such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 5.1 and PubNight 7.0 cannot run at all. If he attempts to launch them, Wife 1.0 complains about a sharing violation and crashes. He finds this behavior strange since he could run these programs just fine before he upgraded. At installation, he found Wife 1.0 provides no option to bypass the installation of undesired add-ons such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Some features he would like to see introduced in the upcoming Wife 2.0 release:
A "Don't Remind Me Again" button.
A Minimize button.
An Install Shield that allows Wife 2.0 to be uninstalled at anytime without the loss of cache or other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in share mode.
I have decided to forego all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking to Girlfriend 3.0. However, even that option has many problems. Apparently, you cannot install one version of Girlfriend before you completely uninstall the old version first. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. If the newer version finds a reference (text/image file, address) to the old version, Girlfriend will completely freeze until you reboot and remove the stray reference. I am told this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Also, versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.
Another thing that stinks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
***** BUG WARNING *****
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.0 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files and seize your cache before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
***** BUG WORKAROUNDS *****
If you can afford it, try installing Mistress 1.0 on an entirely different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Another possible solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via an ISP under an anonymous name.
DMP08 @ Sun Jul 31, 2005 12:47 am
Canadian1971.....HILLARIOUS!!! Sending to printer right now 
ShepherdsDog @ Sun Jul 31, 2005 1:25 am
What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?
A drunk driver will go through a stop sign, while a stoned driver will sit at a stop sign and wait for it to turn green.
canadian1971 @ Sun Jul 31, 2005 6:22 am
ShepherdsDog ShepherdsDog:
What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?
A drunk driver will go through a stop sign, while a stoned driver will sit at a stop sign and wait for it to turn green.
A drunk driver will go through a stop sign, while a stoned driver will sit at a stop sign and wait for it to turn green.
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